The only requirement for AA. A desire to stop drinking. Talking with one of my AA friends a few weeks ago he made the comment that the last thing he wanted to do was stop drinking. He wanted the rest of the crap to stop. That is what his desire was.
I have thought about that comment a lot since then. 20 months into sobriety, and honestly I still don't have a desire to stop drinking. If I could drink in safety and not have all the bad stuff come back, could continue to grow in spirituality.... well I would be at the bar. More proof I am an alcoholic. It bothers me to be honest. The lure of the booze. I work very hard to stay sober, I work very hard to grow, I appreciate the gifts that sobriety has given me more than words can express. Yet the thought of being able to drink is still there. I KNOW I can NOT drink in safety. I Know that .. but the thought ... Cunning.
Smoking, I have a very real desire to stop smoking. I want the health benefits, to stop stinking, and the extra cash. I never felt this way about drinking. I do know different now about the lies I told myself regarding drinking, and am enjoying the obvious and not so obvious benefits. But I would not believe in these benefits when I was drinking. Whats more, I would not have thought myself worthy of them, or in need of them. Baffling and Cunning.
It is a powerful enemy that I fight ... one day at a time... today I win again. And someday I will be able to say I have a desire to stop drinking, and my life is second to none. I am not there yet. YET ... one of those yets I want in my life. It will happen, God's time. One day at a time.
