Recently a v.i.p in my life who is not an alcoholic has met a bunch of my AA buddies and went to a meeting with me. This is a little different from when Dad started coming with me for a number of reasons, one being BOTH Dad and I were "new" to AA when he started coming.
Now I have been around for a little bit and sitting in a hall is as comfortable as sitting at my kitchen table. As I sat next to my v.i.p last night I caught myself both wondering what he made of all this AA stuff and thinking about what it was like for me when I very first started to come to AA.
The very first go round in the halls I had my defences up. I really did NOT want to be an alcoholic and did not want to be at those meetings. They were a waste of my time!! How in God's name was I going to get sober listening to a bunch of people whining and exaggerating about their past. I "heard" about d.u.i's, living under bridges, broken homes, jail. suicide attempts. I heard that although they were sober today bad things continued to happen to them. Lost jobs, family, houses, health. What was the point in being sober if all the bad stuff was going to continue? Ya, not so much this AA thing for me.
I kept going to meetings even after I picked up though. Despite seeing and hearing so much negativity I also saw people laughing, smiling, content. Out of the corner of my eye I watched them, half the time not even aware that that was what I was doing.
When the day came that I hope I put the drink down for good, "enough" and penetrated for me to know that if I was going to get sober and stay sober I needed to become a "part of" AA. I still did not want to.
I went to the meetings and tried to "identify" instead of comparing with the speakers. Sometime, ok MOST of the time that was hard to do. Some of the things I just plain did not want to hear. But I kept going. Dad by my side. We would come home from the meetings and talk the meeting to death. In a good way. Trying to figure out how the message heard that night applied to my life now and in the future.
Somewhere along the line without me really noticing it, within seconds of entering a meeting that "home" feeling would settle in. What a wonderful wonderful gift. I know it is the same for Dad.
It is hard to comprehend when you first walk through the doors that the day will come when you are one of those happy smiling people. It is also very important for this drunk to never forget the pain and disbelief of when I first walked through the doors.
Showing posts with label Meetings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Meetings. Show all posts
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Meetings ~
Many Meetings, Many Chances!!! Meeting Makers Make it!!!
Just a couple of typical AA saying regarding meetings. I am positive that there are more, but those two I can remember. And I have to say with the oh so vast wisdom I have accumulated over the past 3 1/2 years that it seems to be truth.
My pondering of today is about what type of meetings should you go to? What counts as a meeting? I consider my Sunday mornings chatting w/ my buddy who is sober 20 years as a mini meeting. That time, anywhere from five minutes to twenty, starts my week of right. But, is it a meeting?
I go to a step meeting once a week, and a beginners / discussion meeting one a week. I speak at a de-tox every other week. I go to old timer meetings, young people meetings, and just plain open meetings. I have meetings online, in e-mail, and over the phone.
Someone today planted this seed, with a few 24hrs turned into years under his belt, he informed me that open meetings were pretty well useless to him and anyone else. Now I did not really give it to much of a thought coming from this particular person at the time, but I did start pondering .....
And ultimately I have to disagree. Although I think it IS very important to go to a mix of meetings, my time going to open meetings is not a waste for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons is part of why AA works. If I don't go to the open meetings, and others with some time be it years or decades, who is going to be there to show the newcomer that it works? If I am not in my seat, that newcomer just sees a chair. For that reason alone it is vital to go to meetings.
The other reason is pure selfish on my part. No, I don't really need to listen to drunkalogs. The stories that got people here will not keep me here. That being said, some of those stories do set a great example of the YETS should I pick up. So I get to hear what not to do, but more important I hear what TO DO!! and it always seems to be the same thing ~ GO TO MEETINGS.
My "goal" is still to be the type of person who is known as someone who kept going to meetings. To be a good example of that. 'Cause I want to make it, and meeting makers make it!!
Just a couple of typical AA saying regarding meetings. I am positive that there are more, but those two I can remember. And I have to say with the oh so vast wisdom I have accumulated over the past 3 1/2 years that it seems to be truth.
My pondering of today is about what type of meetings should you go to? What counts as a meeting? I consider my Sunday mornings chatting w/ my buddy who is sober 20 years as a mini meeting. That time, anywhere from five minutes to twenty, starts my week of right. But, is it a meeting?
I go to a step meeting once a week, and a beginners / discussion meeting one a week. I speak at a de-tox every other week. I go to old timer meetings, young people meetings, and just plain open meetings. I have meetings online, in e-mail, and over the phone.
Someone today planted this seed, with a few 24hrs turned into years under his belt, he informed me that open meetings were pretty well useless to him and anyone else. Now I did not really give it to much of a thought coming from this particular person at the time, but I did start pondering .....
And ultimately I have to disagree. Although I think it IS very important to go to a mix of meetings, my time going to open meetings is not a waste for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons is part of why AA works. If I don't go to the open meetings, and others with some time be it years or decades, who is going to be there to show the newcomer that it works? If I am not in my seat, that newcomer just sees a chair. For that reason alone it is vital to go to meetings.
The other reason is pure selfish on my part. No, I don't really need to listen to drunkalogs. The stories that got people here will not keep me here. That being said, some of those stories do set a great example of the YETS should I pick up. So I get to hear what not to do, but more important I hear what TO DO!! and it always seems to be the same thing ~ GO TO MEETINGS.
My "goal" is still to be the type of person who is known as someone who kept going to meetings. To be a good example of that. 'Cause I want to make it, and meeting makers make it!!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Meetings
I have been laid up now for just about two weeks after having surgery. Blech!!
Literally I have been allowed to go downstairs twice a day and that's it. I have been keeping myself "connected" with AA through online meetings and talking to fellow AAers. And I thought
I was doing pretty good.
The online meetings work in a pinch as a meeting. The actual meetings that they hold are very similar to irl meetings. Someone shares the experience, strength and hope, then a topic is chosen and others share regarding that topic. So though it filled a need, it is kind of like eating pretzels when what you really wanted was french fries. Same food family, but not what you wanted.
Friends have been awesome calling in and seeing how I am doing. (Grateful nod to Nurse Deb and her daily calls!!!) Visits too have helped so much. Even if the talk is not really recovery AA talk, it is just so good to still have that connection to AA.
Friday night I got to go to my first meeting since April 14. That is a loooong time for me to not hit a meeting. I do still go pretty much every day. I tell you, it felt so good going to that meeting. It really felt like coming home. The hugs and seeing everyone was wonderful, missed my peeps big time. But it was the meeting itself that just made me feel so good. I did not realize how unbalanced I felt until after the meeting and I realized just how much better I felt!! I NEED my meetings. This enforced abstinence from meetings is really showing me just how big a part meetings play in my daily sobriety and mental health. Again, I had been feeling fine, no backslide thoughts or anything even remotely close to it. But I just felt so much BETTER after going to the meeting!!!
Saturday night dad and I hosted our traveling Steady Eddie meeting. Everyone was gracious enough to come over here because of my travel and stair restrictions. And again, I can't even tell you just how good I felt having that meeting. And yes, wonderful to see that group of peeps, some I only see at this meeting once a month, what made me feel good was the meeting itself. There is always good quality sharing at this meeting, and there was one person who had a bit more to share. What a privilege to be a part of that sharing. To be trusted with it, and to be able to respond with absolute love and no judgement. To see that happening around the room like that. So wonderful, such a gift.
Today, just for today at any rate, I understand why meeting makers make it!!
Literally I have been allowed to go downstairs twice a day and that's it. I have been keeping myself "connected" with AA through online meetings and talking to fellow AAers. And I thought
I was doing pretty good.
The online meetings work in a pinch as a meeting. The actual meetings that they hold are very similar to irl meetings. Someone shares the experience, strength and hope, then a topic is chosen and others share regarding that topic. So though it filled a need, it is kind of like eating pretzels when what you really wanted was french fries. Same food family, but not what you wanted.
Friends have been awesome calling in and seeing how I am doing. (Grateful nod to Nurse Deb and her daily calls!!!) Visits too have helped so much. Even if the talk is not really recovery AA talk, it is just so good to still have that connection to AA.
Friday night I got to go to my first meeting since April 14. That is a loooong time for me to not hit a meeting. I do still go pretty much every day. I tell you, it felt so good going to that meeting. It really felt like coming home. The hugs and seeing everyone was wonderful, missed my peeps big time. But it was the meeting itself that just made me feel so good. I did not realize how unbalanced I felt until after the meeting and I realized just how much better I felt!! I NEED my meetings. This enforced abstinence from meetings is really showing me just how big a part meetings play in my daily sobriety and mental health. Again, I had been feeling fine, no backslide thoughts or anything even remotely close to it. But I just felt so much BETTER after going to the meeting!!!
Saturday night dad and I hosted our traveling Steady Eddie meeting. Everyone was gracious enough to come over here because of my travel and stair restrictions. And again, I can't even tell you just how good I felt having that meeting. And yes, wonderful to see that group of peeps, some I only see at this meeting once a month, what made me feel good was the meeting itself. There is always good quality sharing at this meeting, and there was one person who had a bit more to share. What a privilege to be a part of that sharing. To be trusted with it, and to be able to respond with absolute love and no judgement. To see that happening around the room like that. So wonderful, such a gift.
Today, just for today at any rate, I understand why meeting makers make it!!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Meetings
So much is fizzing in my head right now. Tonight's meeting was another one were I wanted to rip the hair out of my head. I am trying so hard to find "purpose", to remind myself that someone needs to hear what the person is saying. That maybe I need to hear what they are saying. But ohhhhh..... it is so hard at times!!!!
Suggestion for anyone who is sharing, please spare us every single drink you have ever had, all those black outs you don't remember .... they are not any funnier because you don't remember!! And don't make stuff up. Please, please please. We can tell.
I think that part of it for me is that I want to hear about recovery more than war stories. We all have our war stories, and a couple of them to qualify, ok ... but what is life like for you now? What have you learned? How have you learned it? What is going on in your life right now? Today? Good bad, happy sad, how are you doing??? When the shit hit the fan and you wanted to drink, what made you realize you didn't HAVE TO!!!!
Experience, STRENGTH and HOPE!!!!!!!
When I speak, I hate trying to figure out the pre-qualifying. I don't know when I crossed the line, I don't think it matters. I do know from my first drink to my last, it was about getting drunk. I would like to stop it right there. But I know it is important to share the how you got there, so I do talk a little bit about the progression, and the fact that I did not have any "jackpots". As fast as I can I try to jump to the now, what I have learned, why I love the fellowship, how the God of MY understanding is working in my life. Why AA is working in my life.
God Bless the person up there tonight. I hope that they got what they needed, that someone heard what they were suppose too. And I pray that God gives me the patience I need, and teaches me to stop being so damn judgemental!!! Progress .....
Suggestion for anyone who is sharing, please spare us every single drink you have ever had, all those black outs you don't remember .... they are not any funnier because you don't remember!! And don't make stuff up. Please, please please. We can tell.
I think that part of it for me is that I want to hear about recovery more than war stories. We all have our war stories, and a couple of them to qualify, ok ... but what is life like for you now? What have you learned? How have you learned it? What is going on in your life right now? Today? Good bad, happy sad, how are you doing??? When the shit hit the fan and you wanted to drink, what made you realize you didn't HAVE TO!!!!
Experience, STRENGTH and HOPE!!!!!!!
When I speak, I hate trying to figure out the pre-qualifying. I don't know when I crossed the line, I don't think it matters. I do know from my first drink to my last, it was about getting drunk. I would like to stop it right there. But I know it is important to share the how you got there, so I do talk a little bit about the progression, and the fact that I did not have any "jackpots". As fast as I can I try to jump to the now, what I have learned, why I love the fellowship, how the God of MY understanding is working in my life. Why AA is working in my life.
God Bless the person up there tonight. I hope that they got what they needed, that someone heard what they were suppose too. And I pray that God gives me the patience I need, and teaches me to stop being so damn judgemental!!! Progress .....
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Lessons.........
So tonight was one of those nights were the meeting felt kind of flat. First speaker was a in and out for many years, and still working on his story. Second speaker I have heard before, but they were short on speakers so we got his LONG version.
The third speaker, called up five minutes before break .... Started off ok .. older person...but clear voice and seemed to have focus. Yah, no. Twenty minutes later there was still another 40 years or more of the story to go ......."Ah hahd mah first drink when Ah was two, Ah hahd mah second drink when Ah was two and a half ..."
I kept telling myself that there must have been somebody in the hall tonight that needed to hear that story. Then dad and I were talking, and had the additional thought that it might not have even been the story that was the lesson. The staying put and listening too it. That could be the lesson. Patients. Maybe someone in the hall was ten minutes away from having a drink at 8:10, but by 8:30 the compulsion to drink passed. I amdit I am spoofing on the speaker right now, but I did stay put out of respect, so respect could be lesson ....
When it comes right down to it, there were many different lessons, as there were many different people in the hall. I am still working out what my personal lesson was, other than it does NOT pay to chug coffee !!!
What I did get, once again, was that God does have purpose to everything. Even long winded speakers.
The third speaker, called up five minutes before break .... Started off ok .. older person...but clear voice and seemed to have focus. Yah, no. Twenty minutes later there was still another 40 years or more of the story to go ......."Ah hahd mah first drink when Ah was two, Ah hahd mah second drink when Ah was two and a half ..."
I kept telling myself that there must have been somebody in the hall tonight that needed to hear that story. Then dad and I were talking, and had the additional thought that it might not have even been the story that was the lesson. The staying put and listening too it. That could be the lesson. Patients. Maybe someone in the hall was ten minutes away from having a drink at 8:10, but by 8:30 the compulsion to drink passed. I amdit I am spoofing on the speaker right now, but I did stay put out of respect, so respect could be lesson ....
When it comes right down to it, there were many different lessons, as there were many different people in the hall. I am still working out what my personal lesson was, other than it does NOT pay to chug coffee !!!
What I did get, once again, was that God does have purpose to everything. Even long winded speakers.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Minny Meeting
Last week I ran in to a guy that I have seen at meetings off and on. We have chatted a few times, have a common friend that we are saving a seat for. I don't know him well by any stretch of the imagination.
But there we were in the produce section of the store, start off with the hi how are yah's. Then the program of AA kicked in. He was not having the best of times. Nothing major, but for sure off the beam. So we chatted. About AA, about life on life's terms, stuff. Ended with Keep Coming, No Matter What!!
Saw him tonight at the meeting. He came over and thanked me for the mini meeting the other day.
"Hey, no problem, it is just so good to see you at the meeting tonight.""
His response:
"I Listened"
I know that mini meeting didn't solve his problems, but perhaps they made them a little smaller. At the very least, he was at a meeting tonight!!
But there we were in the produce section of the store, start off with the hi how are yah's. Then the program of AA kicked in. He was not having the best of times. Nothing major, but for sure off the beam. So we chatted. About AA, about life on life's terms, stuff. Ended with Keep Coming, No Matter What!!
Saw him tonight at the meeting. He came over and thanked me for the mini meeting the other day.
"Hey, no problem, it is just so good to see you at the meeting tonight.""
His response:
"I Listened"
I know that mini meeting didn't solve his problems, but perhaps they made them a little smaller. At the very least, he was at a meeting tonight!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Stuff ~
It has been a very busy week. I had work of some sort or another every day, meetings every night, and fighting off a cold. Pretty much a bushwhacked kind of week.
Today I went with my group on a commitment. It was a return commitment to the group that my good friend Steady Eddie used to belong. I never made it to that meeting while he was alive, although he invited me on a regular basis. I never went for two reasons, lazy did not want to get up and moving on a Saturday morning, and fear. The meeting is in the fringes of Boston. Boston is BIG SCARY CITY. I did not want to drive. I always built up all kinds of scary situations for if I went. Even today I was more that a little bit worried about the drive, the parking, the neighborhood. I could have built it up built it up, and stayed home. But I did not. Progress. I invited a friend, not a friend of Bill, but huge friend of Kris :). I was going to ask (tell) him to drive. But I mapquested the meeting, have a gps, and a friend in the car. I can do this. And I did!! I only freaked out a little tiny bit about the parking. Progress.
It is taking those little steps, and being able to SEE that I am taking them. Last year I would either have not taken the step, or if I had, not seen it for the positive change in me that it is. I like this being aware, and more open to changes person I am becoming. Lots and lots of work left to do though.
So now I am home, and figured in for the day/night. We are due another snow storm at some point or another. I went on the commitment this morning, so figured I could skate on the detox tonight. I also know that there is a good size group going to the de-tox so I am not "needed". God has other plans for me. A good AA friend called, and we agreed she needed a meeting tonight. So we will go to the detox together. I am kind of hoping I can skate on the talking part, my brain is fried, but if I get called, well, Gods plan not mine. As I said to my friend, even just being the body that cared enough to show up sends a strong message. So I will be a body that cares enough to show up. Just hope I stay awake too ... lol
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
They Always Clap ....
So last Sat night my AA group had a commitment. (speaking engagement) I had been out to dinner with my family up the road from the meeting. I had no excuse not to go. Although I DID try and show up a little late .... I did not want to be chairperson. Well ... I was the ONLY one who showed up from my group!! I hate when that happens!! Even when it is an incoming group. I really don't like when the person feels duty bound to talk the entire meeting if they are the only ones to show. Makes for a LONG meeting .. in my opinion. I like short and sweet. I really don't need to hear about every single drink you ever had. I try and remind myself that yes, I did ask for help that morning .. and THIS is who God sent!! :) Doesn't always work ..lol
So when I was the only one to show .. and I had to chair ... I told them from the git go that they would have to help me out. I would NOT be speaking for the entire meeting. My story is boring, and I would get bored .. then babble and be done! lol One of my group members did end up showing up while I was talking, so I called him and told him to wrap it up!! He did pretty good. Brought us up to 5 minutes before the break. I asked if anyone would like to share for the last 5 minutes. Nope, no takers. Soooo... I asked if they wanted to hear a joke? lol And they did .. so I told it ... and yup, they clapped.
Such an ego boost!
So when I was the only one to show .. and I had to chair ... I told them from the git go that they would have to help me out. I would NOT be speaking for the entire meeting. My story is boring, and I would get bored .. then babble and be done! lol One of my group members did end up showing up while I was talking, so I called him and told him to wrap it up!! He did pretty good. Brought us up to 5 minutes before the break. I asked if anyone would like to share for the last 5 minutes. Nope, no takers. Soooo... I asked if they wanted to hear a joke? lol And they did .. so I told it ... and yup, they clapped.
Such an ego boost!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)