Welcome 2011!!

If you are half as fun and interesting as 2010 then I am in for the ride of my life!!





I could never ever in a million years have predicted the drastic changes in my life from one year ago. One year ago the future I envisioned was pretty much what I had already done. Not that I thought it was as good as it was going to get but I figured I would just stay on the same plodding path. As long as I was keeping my sobriety in the number one spot then life was good.





Keeping sobriety number one remains the most important. I pray God that never changes. But so many other things changed. Relationships and jobs ended. What I thought was the end of the road turned out to just be the crest leading to a whole new vista. It has not been without it's storm clouds, life on life's terms after all, but it has also been filled with so much bright and shiny. Some of it is sparkly new right out of the box. Things I dreamed about from a slouched and slobbery stool at the bar, things I never even thought to dream about. Mixed in with that are some older dreams that had been tarnished and dulled through abuse and neglect. They too are starting to shine. Some of the tarnish may never come off ~ life on life's terms ~ but I am not giving up. The shine that is coming through has a depth and warmth that comes only from age and love.





I do not know why God has blessed me the way He has. I do know that I am grateful from the tippty top of my head to the bottom of my toes. I don't have all the details of His plans for me and that is ok. As long as I am willing to let Him call the shots and do the footwork I have not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that everything will work out the way it is suppose to.

One Day At A Time.

Awakening of Spirit

The last couple of meetings for the AWOL we discussed having a “spiritual awakening”. It does say in Step 12 “Having had a spiritual awaking …” Most of the woman had some sort of significant experience. Like Bill W. they had a “hot flash”. A major how else to you explain this other than spiritual!!! Direct contact with the God of their understanding. It was pretty amazing, and humbling.

When it was my turn to speak, I did not have a knock your socks off spiritual awakening to share. No trumpets, bright lights, or ethereal hugs. What I have, what I am able to share is just as big though. At least for me.

I have awareness and acceptance. Things I did not have before joining AA, at least not to the extent I do now. Awareness of all the little God things in my life, as I have shared here in this blog a number of times. God doing his God thing. I love it when I catch onto one of those moments. It truly lifts me up. Awareness of how rich and wonderful my life is, even on the bad days, for the wonderful people God has put into my life. The awareness that the things I learn from these people are also gifts from God. The fact that I am learning, gift from God. And much much more.

Acceptance too has many different facets that create my spiritual awakening. Right off the bat, the fact that I believe the stories people share of their own “hot flash”. I don’t doubt it. Acceptance of the things I have become aware of, and that they are gifts from God. Hand in hand for me, acceptance and awareness. My own gifts from God on a daily basis.

One of the things said at the AWOL that has also altered how I viewed this entire spiritual awakening, something that absolutely FLUNG OPEN the door to a new way of thinking. Reverse it … instead of having a spiritual awakening, which does bring to mind the trumpets and bright lights … same words, different order … I have had an Awakening of Spirit. Wow.

When that was said, I have to admit it rocked my world. It really showed me what was at the very core of MY recovery. For as long as I can remember, I “just wanted to be happy”. I just had no clue as to how to go about it. I thought the fun I was having at the bar was as good as it was ever going to get. Now I take those words, and apply them to my life today, and you better believe I have had an awakening of spirit!! Back to the awareness, and acceptance being the core of it. AA is about change, and I have changed. Each change brings about additional “awakening”. Growth.

This is a subject that I really could go on and on and on and on and on…… It truly is wonderful to know that I have had a spiritual awakening, in the form of an awakening spirit. And I still have not rubbed the sleep out of my eyes ……..

Trusting In God ~

Today is one of those days were I know in order to feel better, what I have to do is turn the day over, turn my life and my will, over to God. But I am having a hard time doing it at the moment. I found out today that I am going to have to have a medical procedure that will knock me out for a few weeks and cost a chunk of change. I don't know which it is that has me more bummed out. I honestly can't picture myself "staying still" for six weeks. I might be able to do it for a week, but then once I start feeling better ........ I get itchy just thinking about staying home for that long!! Then I think about the cost, and hey I can't work for six weeks ........ ahhh. I am wallowing, is that the right word?? in self pity at the moment.
On the plus side, I know this little pity party won't last. Same as the thought of staying low for a extended amount of time is impossible for me to wrap my little pea brain around, so is letting myself be brought down and stay down.
Today was the day of the bad news. So I am sad and stressed about the "me" part of it. But I do have a positive too. I was able to (I hope) help someone today with some AA questions for their friend.
So, goods & bads. Life on lifes terms. And tomorrow I will spend a few more minutes asking the God of MY understanding to help me through the day, and to help me do His will instead of mine. And I know for a fact that tomorrow will be a better day!!

That God Thing

The God "thing" in AA. I have already stated I have a God of MY understanding, and He and I do just fine together thank you very much. He helps me stay sober, because I can't do it by myself and He loves me just that much.
I have a few people that go to AA but have a very hard time with the God thing. They can't get past it. The literature in AA has lots of references to God. Step 2 is all about believing in a Higher Power ... called God. And when I first came into AA I DID NOT want to hear about GOD!!! When I first started going through the steps and came to step 2 I felt I had been TRICKED!!! AA IS a CULT! It IS ALL about GOD .. just READ IT!!! Hmmm ... but then again... I started listening too. It is really so much more.
They did good, the founding fathers and mothers of AA. A Higher Power. A Power Greater Than YOU. Even at my worst in life I knew that there were power(s) greater than myself. Wind? Rain? Earth,Sun .. just a few basics. All more powerful than I could ever be. When I got back into AA, and opened my heart a little bit to the possibilty of not only a power greater than myself, but one that could, and would, help me become the sober person I wanted to be. I had to ..and this is what I had to do .. name Him. And I went with God. That is what I know. I could have called this Higher Power Fred .. and that would be fine. As long as I BELIEVED that this Power could help me. As long as I trusted those who came before me in AA that if I then turned my will over to this Higher Power every morning, asked to do His will instead of mine ... I would get the gift of sobriety for that day.
And from that ... little by slow ... I also get the gift of Grace and Peace in my life. If there is no Higher Power working in my life ... then how can this be working? I already tried it on my own. I could not stay sober on my own. I DID NOT stay sober on my own. I AM sober today.
But for the Grace of a Higher Power I call GOD!