Snow sober

So far this year this has been the landscape. Along with some bitter cold. People, including myself, are tired and cranky from all the shoveling, bundling up to stay warm, the slush, ice, bad driving and other safety issues. The list goes on and on.
The first year of sobriety I would have been crawling out of my skin by now. This type of weather was drinking weather!! Sit at the bar and moan and groan and groan and moan. Oh MY back! Lets have another shot of the blue ones to make the hurts go away. Not that I really needed a reason for drinking but snow storms gave me a good one in my mind.
Due to a couple of people near and dear to my heart joining the fellowship of AA I have had a greater opportunity to take a look at both my drinking and early sobriety. I drank for everything and anything. It was how I could avoid dealing with life. Early in sobriety that first year in particular but even today, when certain emotions or situations arise my first instinct can still be to drink. Make the hurts go away.
The first year I started picking up the tools to combat that reaction at most and defer it at the least. I still have days or rather moments when the knee jerk response is DRINK. Today I can think that through and usually within seconds the thought is gone, I just have for to much to lose. But it still happens.
I keep going to meetings. I talk to people. I dream of the future that awaits this sober person. I try not to look at the landscape as being cold and barren, instead I look and see the vividness of the colors and diamond like wink of the sun dancing in the snow. I look for the beauty and the grace of each day. It is there, it just needs to be sought in order to be found.

Just For Today

My day today ~

Woke up about 5 am. (as opposed to came too) Looked out the window and saw a brilliant sunrise. Thanked God for waking me up to see that, went back to sleep.

Hour later up and atom, walked down (as opposed to stumble) and made coffee. Ate a pastry. I could do that because I was did not feel like puking.

Off to work, a job that I have because I am sober and can handle it (most days anyways..lol), because I am sober. Did actual work instead of spending the day trying to remember the night before.

1:00 ~ went to the bank were I deposited MY money, into a account that has money, that so far (knock on wood) I have not ever taken out what was not there. That will have enough in it tomorrow for me to pay some bills.

2:00 ~ Picked up my great niece to spend the afternoon with. Same niece who's mother I "never hurt" with my drinking. How did it make her feel when she would find reasons to not have herself, or her daughter around me when I was drinking? Today she trust me with her children.

~ 7:00 Had a BLAST with the girl!!! Just plain fun that you can have when you are sober and not wrapped up in planning how fast you can lose the kid so you can get a drink!! Near the end of the day I offered to bring her home before I took my shower so she did not have so much driving to do ... she wanted nothing to do with that. " I want to stay with you!"

7:30 ~ 8:30 Meeting. Commitment with my group. When I spoke I pretty much said what I am writing here tonight. My day, my SOBER day, and all the gifts I received in my day TODAY: JUST FOR TODAY ... because I am sober.

How awesome.

Independence

Happy 4th of July!!!

The past couple of days I have heard many wishes for a Happy 4th, and happy Independence Day. Independence, what a word. Today, just for today, I have Independence from my addiction. Cue fireworks please!!!

I went to a meeting yesterday, and the commitment did not show up. Being the alkie I am, I started thinking about what I would say if I was asked to speak. The bare bones fact is anytime I get up I take a big breath and ask God to give me the words, but that does not stop me from thinking before hand ....

Anyways, here are the thoughts..........

We have people fighting a war across the sea right now. The hope is that when all is said in done, people will have a new freedom and new happiness. Sound familiar? How would we react as Americans if the government, or any one, started telling us what we could do? Who we could be friends with, were we could go, how much money we could spend, what we could eat, what we could drink, how late we could sleep or how late we could stay up?? WHAT??? How dare they!! This is America after all, NOBODY but NOBODY has the right to tell us those type of things. It would start a civil war.

Yet, when we were drinking and or drugging, did we not let our addiction dictate just those things? We would not go to Joe & Sally's house for a party because they did not use like we did. We would not buy things in order to have money to feed our addiction. We passed on jobs, promotions, because they would interfere with our lifestyle. Based our food on what type of drinking we planned, or had none at all. Our addiction controlled us with a iron fist any dictator would like to wield.

Thankfully, today at least, I have a army of Angels in my life. They come in all shapes and sizes with different tools to share with me. I do not have a bullet proof vest that will save me, but I have literally legions of people who have fought this war before me acting as a buffer. As long as I am surrounded by my Angels, and heed there advice. One day at a time I can doge the bullet of addiction and the punishing dictator that fires the gun.

So to all my Angels, Thank You.
Happy Independence Day!!