Intervention ... I think it is on Bravo. I have not watched it all the way through ..
I watched it tonight a little more than I have in the past. And I don't see how anyone could watch it for "amusement", or "entertainment". Even before I got sober it would not have appealed to me.
Having said that ... What a powerful show it is. If you are in recovery, or if you have someone in your life that should be. Or if you are thinking YOU should be.
I saw pretty clearly tonight some of my bad behaviors. I saw how I treated my family. I saw how they did not know what they were suppose to be doing.
One sister would go out with the girl. She did not want her active sister to feel "left out". How often had my sibling included me in things that they maybe really did not want to, but did not want to hurt me further. More than once or twice ... Gets me thinking.
For now I will finish with how brave the family is to put on an intervention, and even more so on t.v.. Active drunks are not very nice.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
That God Thing
The God "thing" in AA. I have already stated I have a God of MY understanding, and He and I do just fine together thank you very much. He helps me stay sober, because I can't do it by myself and He loves me just that much.
I have a few people that go to AA but have a very hard time with the God thing. They can't get past it. The literature in AA has lots of references to God. Step 2 is all about believing in a Higher Power ... called God. And when I first came into AA I DID NOT want to hear about GOD!!! When I first started going through the steps and came to step 2 I felt I had been TRICKED!!! AA IS a CULT! It IS ALL about GOD .. just READ IT!!! Hmmm ... but then again... I started listening too. It is really so much more.
They did good, the founding fathers and mothers of AA. A Higher Power. A Power Greater Than YOU. Even at my worst in life I knew that there were power(s) greater than myself. Wind? Rain? Earth,Sun .. just a few basics. All more powerful than I could ever be. When I got back into AA, and opened my heart a little bit to the possibilty of not only a power greater than myself, but one that could, and would, help me become the sober person I wanted to be. I had to ..and this is what I had to do .. name Him. And I went with God. That is what I know. I could have called this Higher Power Fred .. and that would be fine. As long as I BELIEVED that this Power could help me. As long as I trusted those who came before me in AA that if I then turned my will over to this Higher Power every morning, asked to do His will instead of mine ... I would get the gift of sobriety for that day.
And from that ... little by slow ... I also get the gift of Grace and Peace in my life. If there is no Higher Power working in my life ... then how can this be working? I already tried it on my own. I could not stay sober on my own. I DID NOT stay sober on my own. I AM sober today.
But for the Grace of a Higher Power I call GOD!
I have a few people that go to AA but have a very hard time with the God thing. They can't get past it. The literature in AA has lots of references to God. Step 2 is all about believing in a Higher Power ... called God. And when I first came into AA I DID NOT want to hear about GOD!!! When I first started going through the steps and came to step 2 I felt I had been TRICKED!!! AA IS a CULT! It IS ALL about GOD .. just READ IT!!! Hmmm ... but then again... I started listening too. It is really so much more.
They did good, the founding fathers and mothers of AA. A Higher Power. A Power Greater Than YOU. Even at my worst in life I knew that there were power(s) greater than myself. Wind? Rain? Earth,Sun .. just a few basics. All more powerful than I could ever be. When I got back into AA, and opened my heart a little bit to the possibilty of not only a power greater than myself, but one that could, and would, help me become the sober person I wanted to be. I had to ..and this is what I had to do .. name Him. And I went with God. That is what I know. I could have called this Higher Power Fred .. and that would be fine. As long as I BELIEVED that this Power could help me. As long as I trusted those who came before me in AA that if I then turned my will over to this Higher Power every morning, asked to do His will instead of mine ... I would get the gift of sobriety for that day.
And from that ... little by slow ... I also get the gift of Grace and Peace in my life. If there is no Higher Power working in my life ... then how can this be working? I already tried it on my own. I could not stay sober on my own. I DID NOT stay sober on my own. I AM sober today.
But for the Grace of a Higher Power I call GOD!
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Desire To Stop Drinking...
The only requirement for AA. A desire to stop drinking. Talking with one of my AA friends a few weeks ago he made the comment that the last thing he wanted to do was stop drinking. He wanted the rest of the crap to stop. That is what his desire was.
I have thought about that comment a lot since then. 20 months into sobriety, and honestly I still don't have a desire to stop drinking. If I could drink in safety and not have all the bad stuff come back, could continue to grow in spirituality.... well I would be at the bar. More proof I am an alcoholic. It bothers me to be honest. The lure of the booze. I work very hard to stay sober, I work very hard to grow, I appreciate the gifts that sobriety has given me more than words can express. Yet the thought of being able to drink is still there. I KNOW I can NOT drink in safety. I Know that .. but the thought ... Cunning.
Smoking, I have a very real desire to stop smoking. I want the health benefits, to stop stinking, and the extra cash. I never felt this way about drinking. I do know different now about the lies I told myself regarding drinking, and am enjoying the obvious and not so obvious benefits. But I would not believe in these benefits when I was drinking. Whats more, I would not have thought myself worthy of them, or in need of them. Baffling and Cunning.
It is a powerful enemy that I fight ... one day at a time... today I win again. And someday I will be able to say I have a desire to stop drinking, and my life is second to none. I am not there yet. YET ... one of those yets I want in my life. It will happen, God's time. One day at a time.
I have thought about that comment a lot since then. 20 months into sobriety, and honestly I still don't have a desire to stop drinking. If I could drink in safety and not have all the bad stuff come back, could continue to grow in spirituality.... well I would be at the bar. More proof I am an alcoholic. It bothers me to be honest. The lure of the booze. I work very hard to stay sober, I work very hard to grow, I appreciate the gifts that sobriety has given me more than words can express. Yet the thought of being able to drink is still there. I KNOW I can NOT drink in safety. I Know that .. but the thought ... Cunning.
Smoking, I have a very real desire to stop smoking. I want the health benefits, to stop stinking, and the extra cash. I never felt this way about drinking. I do know different now about the lies I told myself regarding drinking, and am enjoying the obvious and not so obvious benefits. But I would not believe in these benefits when I was drinking. Whats more, I would not have thought myself worthy of them, or in need of them. Baffling and Cunning.
It is a powerful enemy that I fight ... one day at a time... today I win again. And someday I will be able to say I have a desire to stop drinking, and my life is second to none. I am not there yet. YET ... one of those yets I want in my life. It will happen, God's time. One day at a time.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Eskimo's
I figured I should share what an Eskimo is ...
Two men were sitting in an Alaskan bar chatting. One was a spiritual man, the other an atheist. The Atheist said to the spiritual man .. " I gave your God a chance once, and it did not work"
The spiritual man asked " In what manner did you give God a chance?"
"Well," said the atheist " A few months back I kind of lost my way outside of the village. Before I knew it I was stuck in a horrible blizzard. I was a goner for sure. So I prayed to your God for help"
"Wow" said the spiritual man " He must have answered your prayers! You are here, hale and hearty!"
"Nah" said the atheist " He didn't do nothing. Some Eskimo showed up and brought me back home!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My you know your own Eskimos when they find you!
Two men were sitting in an Alaskan bar chatting. One was a spiritual man, the other an atheist. The Atheist said to the spiritual man .. " I gave your God a chance once, and it did not work"
The spiritual man asked " In what manner did you give God a chance?"
"Well," said the atheist " A few months back I kind of lost my way outside of the village. Before I knew it I was stuck in a horrible blizzard. I was a goner for sure. So I prayed to your God for help"
"Wow" said the spiritual man " He must have answered your prayers! You are here, hale and hearty!"
"Nah" said the atheist " He didn't do nothing. Some Eskimo showed up and brought me back home!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My you know your own Eskimos when they find you!
Better and Better
Did I say July was going to slow down? Did I lie or what?
I heard a man the other night, he said that his life may not be second to none, but it was better and better, gooder and gooder. That is true for me as well.
I still have to many issues floating around to be at that second to none stage of the game, however life is still a 100% better than it would be if I was drinking or drugging. I know that with all my heart.
I have been getting back to meetings everyday this past month. I slacked off for a little while and was doing more of the online meetings. And though I am very grateful to have the online option, I get more out of the f2f meetings. Not that they are without stress! One of the facts that I had to accept early on is that regardless of the lofty purpose of AA, and the perfect ideals set before us in AA ... it is still a group of people above all else. And some of them are great, and some not so great.
One of my Eskimos put it in perspective for me the other day. I am hoping that I can hold on to these wise words. "Did you ask a power greater than yourself for help today in staying away from a drink or a drug" Yes " Ok then, that bozo up at the podium is who was sent!" Allrighty then ....
I will try to remember that. Not saying it will be easy, there are countless times when someone is up there and the msg is more preachy than sharing. And that will drive me nuts. But I will try to listen, and if I don't like what I hear, then I wil try to pray for the person and those in the room that they are not pushed away from AA.
I don't think I will ever be "old school" AA. Or maybe I am too old school! One of the many many gifts of AA, in my opinion, is that we are all unique just like everyone else!! Everyone can work their own program in a way that works for them. My program is not for you to judge any more than I should judge yours. Mine works for me, let yours work for you. And that IS how it seems to work. Thank God!
For me, the really important thing is to keep on keeping it in the today. I just have to make it through the right now of the day. Sometimes the right now will last longer than others, but as long as I don't pick up a drink. Just ONE drink .. for ONE minute .. then I can make it through. And if I really want to be smart about it, when I am having a hard time I will let someone know. Sometimes it might just be a mood, come and go just like that. Sometimes there might be a reason ... H.A.L.T (hungry, angry,lonely,tired) Those times I really need to share so I can work through it, and decrease the chance of it happening again.
I heard a man the other night, he said that his life may not be second to none, but it was better and better, gooder and gooder. That is true for me as well.
I still have to many issues floating around to be at that second to none stage of the game, however life is still a 100% better than it would be if I was drinking or drugging. I know that with all my heart.
I have been getting back to meetings everyday this past month. I slacked off for a little while and was doing more of the online meetings. And though I am very grateful to have the online option, I get more out of the f2f meetings. Not that they are without stress! One of the facts that I had to accept early on is that regardless of the lofty purpose of AA, and the perfect ideals set before us in AA ... it is still a group of people above all else. And some of them are great, and some not so great.
One of my Eskimos put it in perspective for me the other day. I am hoping that I can hold on to these wise words. "Did you ask a power greater than yourself for help today in staying away from a drink or a drug" Yes " Ok then, that bozo up at the podium is who was sent!" Allrighty then ....
I will try to remember that. Not saying it will be easy, there are countless times when someone is up there and the msg is more preachy than sharing. And that will drive me nuts. But I will try to listen, and if I don't like what I hear, then I wil try to pray for the person and those in the room that they are not pushed away from AA.
I don't think I will ever be "old school" AA. Or maybe I am too old school! One of the many many gifts of AA, in my opinion, is that we are all unique just like everyone else!! Everyone can work their own program in a way that works for them. My program is not for you to judge any more than I should judge yours. Mine works for me, let yours work for you. And that IS how it seems to work. Thank God!
For me, the really important thing is to keep on keeping it in the today. I just have to make it through the right now of the day. Sometimes the right now will last longer than others, but as long as I don't pick up a drink. Just ONE drink .. for ONE minute .. then I can make it through. And if I really want to be smart about it, when I am having a hard time I will let someone know. Sometimes it might just be a mood, come and go just like that. Sometimes there might be a reason ... H.A.L.T (hungry, angry,lonely,tired) Those times I really need to share so I can work through it, and decrease the chance of it happening again.
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