One to go....

At last nights meeting the speaker called it "the deadly triangle"  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years"  So true so true so true. 

I have another one under my belt, and Saturday night will be spent in celebration of friends from my home group getting married.  I know I really won't breath all the way easy though until it is all a done deal.  Down the road in my sobriety I hope the holidays get a bit easier.  Right now they are so filled with self induced stress that makes me more than a little scared.  Then I get cranky.  Character defects surface. 

The good news, I do have a defence.  I am no longer powerless against that first drink.  Instead I can call people, go to a meeting and identify what is going on and why I could even consider a drink.  God forbid that first drink reaches my lips though.  All the gains I have made in the past six years would be gone with that first sip.  I would once again be powerless over alcohol.

I have been debating going to a meeting tonight.  I went to one this afternoon, I went last night..  And it is apparent that I need to go to one tonight regardless of the fact that I still have laundry to put away and cleaning to do. 

Pick up the tools, use them.  THAT is what needs to be done on a daily basis.

Not at a Bar

Thanksgiving Eve.  Home.  Not at a bar.  The house is scented with nutmeg, squash, chocolate and onions.  Yep, onions.  The table is set, what can be cooked it cooked or cooking.  No chaos.  Calm.  Not at a bar.  Tomorrow will bring a little chaos, family.  Those last minute details.  Baby smiles.  Hugs.  Meetings.  More hugs.  A celebration of the joy of sobriety.  Honest emotions missing those that are no longer here.  Real emotions.  Not at a bar.  The day will end with over full belly.  Sleep.  Peace.  Not at a bar

Made it!

Well I made it to my six year mark and a day at a time I can't wait to see what year seven is going to bring!!  I know it will be a mix of good and bad, that is life on life's terms after all.  Moments of pure joy and gratitude as well as moments were I questions everything I believe and work for. 

Today I have choices though about how I will deal with things.  Even how I anticipate them.  I can wake up each morning and let the negative thoughts call the shots "oh the weather is bad, I have so much work to do, I have such a long day at work,  ............"  I could give you a full list of all the negative thoughts and fears but choose not to stir the nest so to speak.  I try really hard to stay out of that neighborhood in my head.  To much like Hotel California!! 

Instead I try each day to reach for the good stuff.  Through work and persistence the past few years doing that has paid off.  I really do find a simple joy in each day.  Bright red berry's that stand out in a gloomy day.  It is not a million dollars but it is still pretty nifty.  An unexpected text or phone call from someone I love.  My mom laughing when I come home at night "Hi  home I'm Honey" (I don't know why that tickles her but it does!! ) My dad talking about the meeting he went to or golf game he played.  Pictures of the wonderful amazing babies. 

As my friend Peter says, "Today is a Good Day"

One Week ~

A week from today, if I keep doing what I am suppose to be doing, I will have six years of sobriety.  Wow. 
I have a bit of the PMS (pre-medallion-syndrome) going on.  Reflecting on the past, goods and bads, recent and long ago. 
Time to take a look at my feet, where am I today?  Today is the day that matters.
Today I woke up and said "Hi God".  I woke up sober.  Because I woke up sober I feel pretty good about the day.  I have some "stuff" floating around in my life right now that is not so great but because I am sober I know that however it works out it will be ok.  Perhaps not the way I would like it but it will be ok.  I have things to look forward to today.  The babies are coming over this afternoon.  That will fill my heart with pure joy.  Because I am sober I will be with them all the way while they are here.  Such a huge gift.  I have my meeting tonight and will see people I care about and care about me.  I will learn something today.  Right now I don't know what it is, it may have already been presented to me and I don't see it yet.  But I KNOW I will learn something, I do everyday.  How wonderful.
I am wearing clean comfortable clothes.  I have a little (very little) money in my pocket but it is enough to cover all the needs I have.  Gas in the car, food in my belly. 
A God that loves me.
A life.
Yup, I have to keep myself in today.  Today is good.  Not perfect but it is good.  I am sober.  Today.

Short and sweet

Not a day goes by that I do not find something to be grateful for in my life.  It does not matter how bad things "feel" I know they can get worse, so rather than dwell on that I look for things to smile about.  I may not always smile smile on the outside but I feel a little lighter on the inside.

Today has been one of those days and that being said I will share a short but sweet gratitude list:

1. Belief in a power great than me that is taking care of me even as I type.

2. SOBRIETY

3. A family that loves me and I love back

4. BABIES ~ just looking at the pictures of the little ones we have running around fills my heart with joy.

5. Plants that hug bird feeders.  Just because.

See, simple.  I could and perhaps should go all out with a big list as a reminder to myself just how many things I have going on in my life that are positive.  It is important sometimes for me to take an inventory of all the good stuff.  One of the things I fear is that I will allow my negative thinking creep in for the take over again. 

Life is good.  Today