Up Up and ....

Not gonna let it take me away!! My new store opened this week, and I have been bushwhacked every single night. So I have a pretty good reason to stay home and not go to meetings right? Nope, nope, nope!!

Wednesday night, my step meeting. I used to love going to that meeting, but have not been as into it the past six months or so. I stopped going for a bit, and added another open meeting. But I knew something was missing, felt it. So when they started back on Step One to cycle through again I committed in my head to going back. I have already missed a couple and we are on Step Six. I missed last Wednesday .... no good reason other than I was tired and didn't want to go. That type of thinking is so very bad for me. This week I was on that same playing field. I also had the added "excuse" of how tired I was from opening the new place. I really did not want to go.

I live in complete fear of that first drink. Even two years away from the last drink. I have had enough days, both good and bad, were the thought of a drink still passes through my head. It does not shake me up the way it use to, I have accepted the fact that I am a alcoholic and these thoughts will plague me my entire life. I know this because I go to meetings and people have spoken of it. And today, I know that I am no different from them. I also know that the meeting I will really regret going to will be the one I did not go to at all.

My friend G speaks of a slip she had when she was five or six years sober. She went to lots of meetings and was pretty active. Then one day she did not go to her meeting. And she figured a nice glass of wine would be oh so tasty .... Took her another five years to get back. There is no knowing for sure, but there is a good chance that if she went to her meeting that day, she would not have had that glass of wine.

I have enough regrets on my hands, I don't want to add anymore. I don't want to drink. So I went to the meetings. And I did not regret one single minute of it. Because of the new store I will be missing my Sunday morning meeting. Tonight I will go to a different one. This meeting is actually were I got what I hope is my last 24 hour chip. I like to start my week off with a meeting, and how great it is that I can start this new chapter in my life in the place that in fact started a whole new book .........