Bitter Sweet ....

Tomorow is my last AWOL. We will finish up Step 12 and have some dinner and snacks. Part of me is very excited. Yay, done!! I DID IT!! And I feel like I "did it" too. All good good good. I learned so much, and I know I grew too. I can't help feel good about that. Hopefully I don't get to smart for my own good, and keep in mind that these steps are ARE a daily project. I do plan to get back to my regular 12 step meeting.

Of course, I am sad too. This group of women has been so amazing. I will miss the gabbing, the meeting, the love, the friendship. A man said at the meeting last night that he was "wrapped up in love" by the people who 12 stepped him. Thats how I feel about this group. I thank God that got to be a part of it. I got to really know a group of women in a way that I can't even begin to explain.

Even though the group is ending, I will always have that.

There is a chance we will meet up again to discuss another book, but I am afraid that the way the world works it won't happen. So I put that in God's hands, and if it happens, I will be back.

With bells on!!

Lessons.........

So tonight was one of those nights were the meeting felt kind of flat. First speaker was a in and out for many years, and still working on his story. Second speaker I have heard before, but they were short on speakers so we got his LONG version.

The third speaker, called up five minutes before break .... Started off ok .. older person...but clear voice and seemed to have focus. Yah, no. Twenty minutes later there was still another 40 years or more of the story to go ......."Ah hahd mah first drink when Ah was two, Ah hahd mah second drink when Ah was two and a half ..."

I kept telling myself that there must have been somebody in the hall tonight that needed to hear that story. Then dad and I were talking, and had the additional thought that it might not have even been the story that was the lesson. The staying put and listening too it. That could be the lesson. Patients. Maybe someone in the hall was ten minutes away from having a drink at 8:10, but by 8:30 the compulsion to drink passed. I amdit I am spoofing on the speaker right now, but I did stay put out of respect, so respect could be lesson ....

When it comes right down to it, there were many different lessons, as there were many different people in the hall. I am still working out what my personal lesson was, other than it does NOT pay to chug coffee !!!

What I did get, once again, was that God does have purpose to everything. Even long winded speakers.

Nice End To The Day

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html

A awesome link.

And, just what I needed. Today was a rotten day for the most part. The condensed version is that my expectations of my daughter and reality is, well to say they are not even close sums it up. I know she loves me, but she has a funny way of showing it. For my part, I don't know how much of it is her age, or her anger at me. I keep praying, and try to keep the gratitude in my heart, but I still hurt on the inside. Time and prayer. I do know that God is with me and it will work out.

That was the start of my day, followed with the bank being closed .. hello .. MONDAY is the holiday .. then I tried to go to my nieces new house to help clean. Even w/ the GPS I got seriously lost. For a little bit it felt like Scary Movie lost because I was in the woods on what would be called a path more so than a road .. with no houses around. THAT was when my GPS told me I had "reached my destination". Nope. Never did find her house. She called me about 30 minutes ago, she just got my message. Had I gone right instead of left of the path she was right there. Hello ... WOODS????? What right?

That was the major stuff, and just little stupid stuff like pushing up on the cream dispenser at the gas station instead of down........ and pissing cream all over the place ........ to fill in the cracks.

But I am home safe and sound now, had a awesome dinner with my family and my friend sent me that lovely Interview With God. So it is all alright. Pretty much the end of the day, I did not drink, God Loves Me and I Love Him ... so life is pretty ok.

Happy Valentines Day!!

Step 11

I am still loving my AWOL.

It continues to amaze me how going through a step, that I have read over and over and over and over the past three years, all of the sudden becomes clear with these women. "Things that used to baffle us ...." Thank You God.

For the most part, with all of the steps, my good friend gratitude plays the biggest part. As long as my heart is grateful, that is the first action for me completing the step. Well, not completing, if I am doing it right I will be doing it for a long time to come.

Tonight, step 11, I learned two things. One being the importance for ME to take a few minutes each day and .... breath... relax....enjoy...be grateful. At LEAST a few minutes. And the other thing, is that those few minutes count. I don't have to pray and meditate for hours at a time for it to work. The point again, comes down to ~ am I at least trying? ~ is it to the best of my ability..THAT DAY? Because again, all I have is TODAY. This day is the one I have to do my best. Not yesterday, done deal. Not tomorrow, not here yet. Just today. Simple.

Again, amazing how when explained just right, it makes sense, makes it doable. Even makes it something I have been doing. Cool

Just Do It, It Is Fun

Today I went to a memorial for a very special man. Bobby was the 46 year old son of a fellow AA. Bobby had special needs, he had Williamson's, (similar to Downs Syndrome). He died of cancer.

The memorial was with out a doubt the most touching and sincere I have ever been too. Many of Bob's co/ workers got up to share about Bobby. All of those men and woman had disabilities of their own. All that spoke, got up in front of the room of at least 80 people. And even though they were all adults, they shared with a child like simplicity and sincerity that just blew me away. Bobby was all of their "very best friend". Every single one of them meant it too, from the bottom of their hearts was evident.

The finale, unplanned to this amazing tribute to a man who's love of life, and ginormous smile that was completely infectious, came in the form of one of his respite nurses. Again, a person being brave enough to stand in front of a room of strangers and offer her tribute to Bob in the form of song. Bob loved music. It was perfect. Bett Midlers "You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings"

People like Bobby are a gift. When you meet a Bobby you can't help but smile, help but fall in love, help but view the world just a little bit better. Smile.

My very first sober party I was still shake rattling and rolling. I went to the party because Steady Eddy asked me too. When I was hesitating about dancing ~ dancing SOBER ~ Bob was already on the floor. He looked over at me and said "Just do it, it is fun". And he smiled.

I danced that night. I look like a goober when I dance, but now I am a sober goober. And Bob was right, it's fun.

Minny Meeting

Last week I ran in to a guy that I have seen at meetings off and on. We have chatted a few times, have a common friend that we are saving a seat for. I don't know him well by any stretch of the imagination.
But there we were in the produce section of the store, start off with the hi how are yah's. Then the program of AA kicked in. He was not having the best of times. Nothing major, but for sure off the beam. So we chatted. About AA, about life on life's terms, stuff. Ended with Keep Coming, No Matter What!!
Saw him tonight at the meeting. He came over and thanked me for the mini meeting the other day.
"Hey, no problem, it is just so good to see you at the meeting tonight.""
His response:
"I Listened"

I know that mini meeting didn't solve his problems, but perhaps they made them a little smaller. At the very least, he was at a meeting tonight!!