Howard Be Thy Name....

So many people get turned off in AA because of the Higher Power / God part. That really is such a sad thing. AA is not about God, even if there is more than a few mentions of God. It is about believing that YOU are NOT God. That is really all you need to know. How, or what you choose in your life to be a Power Greater that YOURSELF ... is completely up to you. How you express your belief is entirely up to you. Yes, there are people who will put pressure on you to believe WHAT they believe ... but that is not a part of AA. "We are not allied with any sect or denomination" That is a AA fact.
I talked with someone today .. thus my little rant ... who just does not have any room for God in her life at the moment. I say moment not because I plan to convert her, but to leave it open. She has to leave before the Our Father. She has her reasons. Ok. I asked her to look around us right now. Huge trees, sun, snow covered ground .... could she do that?? No. Can you look around and see some of the beauty of it ... yes. Can you get some peace from that? She is going to work on that.
Prayer ... another issue. Meditation ... same page of issues. So how about making a wish? Start each day just making a wish. Wish for sobriety. Light a candle and blow it out ... make a wish. No God involved. Going to work on that as well.
And last, what I had to do for a bit in the beginning, when I was not ready for God. During the Our Father ... Howard Be Thy Name. I could deal with Howard. For me I knew there was a God .. for ME .. but I was not ready for Him. I could deal with Howard.
Whatever works .... that is the right way to do it. And it is whatever works for YOU. What works for me might not work for you. And vs verse. As long as you are working it, then you have a chance of it working for you.

Self Esteem

Ash Wednesday. Lent. How many many many times was I going to give up drinking for lent? I never actually DID, but perhapes if I had ????? Nah, I need AA. I might have been able to give up the drink for 40 days, but I shudder to think what would have happened on day 41. I am pretty sure that I would have tried to make up for the entire 40 days in one day. That would have been a good way to end up dead. So it is just as well I was not able to stop at all until I got to the halls of AA. Here I learn how to keep being stopped.
The past couple of weeks in the halls have been interesting. Just little things that have been going on that are different from my usual. I don't know how I am feeling about it all if I am honest. I was included in a very special dinner with some very special AA people. I was, am still, surprised that I was included. Most of the people have YEARS of AA, and are very well "conected" in AA. So why pick me? I had a great time btw. Dad & I set up the hall for my home group, and again, a surprise to be asked to do so. This time though it really did make sence as to why I was asked ... I have a very flexable schedule & live a stones throw away. I have been on a few commitments the past couple of weeks and was not asked to speak. That one is a funny one for me. I am more than ok with not having to speak, but there is that part of me that is reading to much into not being asked to share. Ego for sure. Actually, for all three ego plays a pretty big part in how I am feeling. Advantage of writing things down, now I can see it. Saying that I can take it a step further. Being me, with a fairly low self esteem, I am surpised to be included and thought of in a positive way. Because of that low self esteem I am also looking for reasons that people don't think of me in a positive way.
No big turn around even knowing better what is going on in my head. What I will do is turn it all over to God and ask Him to help me work on it. He gave me the flashlight to help see it, now I have to work on finding the light switch to see it even clearer.

Life is a chair of bowlies. Sometimes. Other times, if you are having a really good day, it might be a bowl of cherries! But life on lifes terms for me is usually the chair of bowlies. I am not saying that is a bad thing to be honest with you. I think if I was living on high, with a bowl of cherries everyday, then I might start thinking I was cured or something silly like that. My chair of bowlie days are not so bad. I can look back on just about everyday and find some good in it. I am sure I could find some not so good as well, but that really serves no purpose. When I lived in a bottle that is what I did all the time. It is amazing how easy it is to inventory how the world at large has wronged us. Those days were just the pitts.
I don't miss those days. Today I sit in my warm room listening to the wind whip around, content in the Super Bowl match ups and able to remember last nights games. I will go to work for a bit, but not before I have my mini meeting when I get my coffee. And I will go about my day. I do have a possible big stresser facing me today. I will ask God to help me, and He will. I might not care for the answer, but I will get one. And then I will continue on my day. Reminding myself not to dwell on the things that are not going "my" way.
And I am sure, today will in fact be a chair full of bowlies!!

When you keep going to meetings....

Last night I was at another anniversary meeting. The chairperson introduced her first speaker in such a way that it struck, and stuck in a very strong way.

"I actually do not know my first speaker at all, but I heard her speak the other day and asked her to speak tonight. We all know what happens if you stop going to meetings. Tonight I would like you to meet what happens when you DON'T stop"

Wow. What an introduction. And what a very cool thought. What does happen when you don't stop going to meetings? TONS OF STUFF!! Good, bad, happy, sad and all the in between fluff and stuffs. But you don't have to pick up a drink over it. Awesome.

The speaker herself is someone I give a lot of credit too as well. She is soft spoken, but very firm, very very firm about how she works HER program and how it works for HER. I love hearing from people like that. She was not up there telling me how to do it, she was showing me.
Wow.

I don't think the chair "planned" her speakers the way it worked out, but she had a perfect mix of some serious long term sobriety that showed what happens when you keep coming, and a few that have gone out and were lucky enough to make it back. All of them strong women in sobriety. All of them had something I needed to hear last night. I have been asking my Higher Power for some extra help lately .. and boy has He been coming through for me.

God doing that God thing again ...

So last night I was at a one year anniversary meeting. Always a wonderful type of meeting to be at. I am going to change the names & places, but I have a story of God doing His God thing again. Really amazing to me, as I actually know the people.

Megan started the meeting off with asking her sponsor Carrie to speak. Carrie has been around AA for a few 24hr. Megan introduced her, and said "I asked Carrie to be my sponsor after a few months of seeing her around because I liked what I saw. And she (Carrie) was going back to school, and that is something I would like to do someday." With that she turned the podium over to Carrie.

Carrie shared her experience, strength and hope. As she came to the end of her sharing, including years of service for AA and how she was back to school now. She then said with Megan's permission she would share how God put them together.

Carrie went to a BIG college, thousands of students. Starting her back to school with a just a couple of classes. One of the classes required field trips. Being the "old lady" in the class (4o something), with a cool car, some of the other girls would drive with her. Although Carrie does not wear AA on her sleeve, she does not hide her involvement either. One of her mantras is that she might be a person only exposer to the Big Book.

It turned out that one of the young women was very concerned about her mother. She spoke to Carrie about her mothers drinking, and after talking with Carrie, she encouraged her mother to go to AA for help. School ended and they went there separate ways.

In the mean time Megan was going to meetings. Frightened, confused, and not sure Megan "just kept coming". She saw Carrie at meetings. Finally getting the courage up to ask her to be her sponsor. During one of their phone calls she commented on how she too would like to go back to school one day. That her daughter was going to The Big School at the moment.

Something clicked for Carrie. She looked at her caller id, and really looked at the name. "Megan, is your daughters name Susan?".

And yes, God was doing His God thing, because Susan was the young woman who had talked with Carrie about her mom months ago.

A HUGE college with thousands of people, an AA community of thousands, both Carrie and Megan living in different towns ... of thousands...

Tell me that is not God doing His God thing .. I dare you.