Sober for Today

I hear it all the time, how people get sober, get a "life", and then do not need AA anymore, or how they were still going to meetings but had a medical issue that required pain pills, or they were going to meeting here and there and that was it. So many different variations of what they did or did not do with the end result the same. They picked up. So I hear it, and I do keep it in mind, but I have to admit it hit home the hardest when it was someone I know. Someone who heard the same stories and I did. Someone who I respect and consider a pretty smart person. Someone who picked up, and by the grace of God, came back. Prayers that they stay, and prayers that they keep in mind the stories of those that struggle and don't make it back at all.

It would be pretty easy to get all worked up and analytical as to why it happened. What was done right, what was done wrong. I honestly don't think the what is the important part though, it is the why. The WHY is the disease. I know for a fact that my WHY still resides in me, waiting waiting waiting for me to give it a WHAT. I can go to step meetings galore, counseling forever, and know as much as there is to know about me and my disease, yet it will never ever go away.

When I crossed that line, or activated the monster with my very first drink, I lost. No, I did not know I lost or how much I would lose, but I lost just the same. Today, just today, I know with out a doubt the road I would travel should I pick up. Before I hit that road I should just put everything out on the front lawn from my socks to my soul. FREE ~ Take it all I won't be needing it were I am going.

The WHY is still in me, I know many of the reasons that I drank, there are still many I don't too. Knowing WHY does not change the past, or even protect me against a future drink. It just is. Knowing WHY allows me to try and change in order to diminish the power of WHY. Today I am a stronger and better balanced person, sorta. Yet it would be so very easy to slip away from who I am today, and forget the WHY, so easy to fall into the false sense of security that I have conquered the WHY. Victory is mine, lets have a drink to celebrate!! Too easy as as I see through my friends actions.

As easy is the first drink.

So I am sober today, and grateful. I know WHY I am sober today as well. Because I have a God in my life who helps me on a daily basis, because I have people that that God has put in my life to talk to, learn from, and pray with, because I go to meetings and listen to the best of my ability and learn to the best of my ability, because I am willing to do the next right thing for myself and for others, because I do my best to stay honest about what is going on in myself.

Why? Because it works, for me, for today.......