12:30 am ~ do you know were

YOU were?

Last night I was woken up by the phone ringing, I had been asleep for about a hour or so. It was just after 12. I groggily sat up in the bed looking at the clock, and my heart started to pound. There is no such thing as good news at that time of night unless someone is having a baby!!! Nobody I know is having a baby!!!
My father answered the phone, and I could hear him walking towards my room. My entire body began to vibrate .. "no no no no ... not my room not my room" My thought was of course my daughter, who will be 20 in 11 days. He knocked, and it was her. Thankfully, thank You God!!, it was not major!! She had sliced her hand at work, was already at the hospital and needed her insurance information. Ended up not even needing stitches. Thank You God!!!

But I was pretty freaked out. Still am to be completely honest. One of the scariest moments in my life. And God was very good to me.

It has also had me thinking all day long about how it must have felt for her and my husband when I was out there drinking. All those nights I was out, not hurting anyone, and having fun, and occasionally I would call at 12, 1am ~ to drunk to drive so I am going to sleep it off at work. How did that make them feel? Not knowing if when that phone rang, was it me calling .. drunk... the cops? the morgue? And even, just how often did I torture them like that? I don't even know.

I justified it left and right. There was no need to worry, I was a big girl, plus all those "friends" at the bar were watching out for me too. Yah right, those same friends are still waiting for me to come out of the bathroom!!

I have a big ole lump of shame going on in my head right now. This experience has humbled me in a new way. I will continue to think on it for a few days, see what else I am suppose to learn from it. And I will make yet another amends to my daughter for that behavior in particular.

Then I will move on, and be glad in my heart that I am NOT that person anymore. That was then, this IS now. I might still have lots of work to do on me, but I am open to it. God let me see how my past behavior affected them, and gave me another lesson in humility. I will learn and grow. To the best of my ability.