HOPE

The past month has been a topsy turvy one. Some goods, some not so goods. So I went to meetings. Lots of them!! The common theme that I heard was about HOPE. There is hope in the halls of AA. Regardless of any problems at this moment, regardless of any issues that lay in the past, regardless of potential problems in the future. Today there is hope. There is HOPE in the halls.
As I sat in the meetings and listened to others share their own hope, I thought about it. Hope. When did I start having it? How did I get it? Do I STILL have it?
Although I can't pin it down for certain, when I first came in I don't think I would have recognized HOPE if it was dressed in gold and wearing a name tag, I believe the first taste of hope came when I was sent to the emergency room for help. At that moment I had hope that my problems with the booze would end.
The meetings that came into the de-tox brought yet another taste of hope. That I too could be happy like those people.
My disease of course fought very hard against any and all versions of hope. Hope could lead to to a desire to change. Change could lead to elimination of a desire to drink. My disease did not want that!
Yet the seeds of hope had been planted. I had a little itty bit of hope. Those seeds fought very hard for the next year to grow roots. I did not make it easy for them. I neglected them and allowed weeds to grow all around. I gave the barest of nutrients to help them grow. I believed them to be dead. Still, they took root.
When the time arrived that I was ready to get sober those seeds of hope began to flourish. They grew and they grew and they grew. Instead of sitting at meetings and hear what I was not, I heard what I was and even more important what I could be. Happy.
By going to meetings and listening and watching those around me I continue to nurture the hope in my life. The people in the meetings are the sun, rain food of hope for me.
No matter HOW topsy turvy life gets, I have HOPE today. On those occasions when I am feeling a bit hopeless all I have to do is listen and watch. There is HOPE in the halls of AA.