Around the bend ..

When I wrote about my anniversary, I stated "I can't wait to see what year 7 has in store for me"  Well, I am at a bend in the road right now.  In a weeks time I will wrap up nine months of full time work at a detox and head back to the half way house I did my practicum at.  In my kinda sorta thoughts I had hoped to end up back in a half way house but kinda sorta thought it would be in another year or two.  Well, looks like it is now.  I am filled with all the fear, doubt and insecurity that I am afraid will plague every big move in my life.  I am also filled with hope, excitement and energy to start another new adventure in sobriety. 

 So far nothing has been exactly like what I thought it would be.  Which I suppose is just how it suppose to be!!  At two years sober I was terrified to leave the comfort of the locksmith and open a party rental store.  I was encouraged and supported to do it anyways.  I worked my ass off for it to prove that the faith put in me was justified.  I don't know that the people that put the money up feel I came through for them, but I know in my heart that worked it to the best of my ability and had some success.  I also learned straight up that it is far easier to sit at a bar and talk about being the boss than it is to be one!!  I learned so much in that period of living though.  Honestly, I learned how to live. Come out of my shell and try some things I had talked about.  I went to school.  Just one class, it was all I could afford both financially and emotionally if I am really honest about it.  I learned that I could go to school.  God doing His God thing, because next thing I knew the store was gone and I was off for more school to become a drug and alcohol counselor.  I was not ready to do that at year two of sobriety, I needed to go through the growth that the store gave me.

Now, living year six.  Nine months in a detox, the start of recovery for but a chosen few, even though I have met hundreds.  I needed to be there to learn more.  More about myself and what I am capable.  In school and in the fellowship I have met many people who worked detoxes and they all talked about how frustrating it is, the emotional tole it takes on you to see the same people in and out, in and out.  Perhaps it is because I was not there long enough but I don't feel that way.  As much as I would a thousand times rather see a client at a meeting, it made my heart happy to see them back.  If they come back then they still seek hope and help.  I can still try.

This next bend in the road ~ I don't know what is on that other side.  I know that I have learned a lot about recovery, relapse and addiction.  I have a new appreciation for people who keep trying and make it as far as a half way house.  It may be born in desperation but it still takes courage.  My hope is that I will be able to pass some of this on to them so they remain hopeful and grow in their own recovery.  I know that is what I will try.

A day at a time, so many many many gifts.