Now For Why ...

Before my drinking took off my favorite thing to do was read. Stories ..romance, mysteries, crime, horror. Little to no brain feed, but enjoyable to me read. Somewhere along the line I was introduced to Robert Fulghum. I loved him. His stories and life observations both made me laugh and made me think.

The previous post that references his elephant ride always stuck with me. When I began my trip down sobriety lane it came to mind again. Elephants and Drunks ...kind of like peanut butter and jelly ..

The symbolism of drunks & elephants may be what brought it to mind, but I needed it to stay for other reasons.

My climb into alcoholism was so very similar to Fulghums description of climbing onto the elephant. A shaky ladder leading to a shaky platform. I don't believe the road to addiction is ever set on firm ground. Be it a defect of character or defect of life that led us to "one more, one more, one more" I can't say for sure, but I have yet to meet a person who's life when they crossed the line was on solid footing. And I know for me that my addiction and its progression was loaded with anxiety and fear. Even if I was unable to admit it at the time. Or even see it for my own sake.

Once of the elephants back, the ride of addiction. Again, filled with fear and anxiety. Never knowing if the platform is going to let loose and you will be trampled by the thousand pound elephant that is your addiction. If you have traveled my road, then you know what I am talking about. Though it was not without its thrill. Fulghum does not allude to the thrill in this passage, but I can picture it. Way high up on top of an elephant. Top of the WORLD! "Look at ME, Look at ME.... Look Mom... NO HANDS" The cheap thrill when the elephant lurches and the platform moves .. yet you are still on.. How many times did I feel like that when I was drinking? Or managed a near miss for some alcoholic misadventure?

Time for the dismount. The very profound part of the passage. The part that can assist anyone, any day. And helps this alcoholic on a daily basis.

High atop the elephants back, a shaky ladder leaning against the elephant. How do I get down? It is a LONG way down!! I am afraid. What if the ladder breaks? What if I slip! What if the elephant MOVES while I am climbing down!! Better maybe to stay right were I am.

NOTICE: INSTRUCTIONS FOR DISMOUNTING FROM ELEPHANT.
FIRST, COMPOSE YOUR MIND.
MUCH EASIER TO GET DOWN THAN UP.

Simplistic? Maybe. Addicts like me like to make things as hard as possible. The more road blocks I throw up the happier my disease is. The closer I am to picking up another drink. What I am finding is the simpler I keep my recovery, the easier it is. Ask for help, go to meetings, compose my mind. It really is much easier to get down than it was to get up.