12 StepS

Last night was my Step Meeting. I have been going to this meeting since my first faltering attempt at staying sober. Much of what I read is still beyond my ken, but I always get something out of going.
Last night was Step 7. Humbly ask Him to remove all faults. (I don't have my book in front of me to write it word for word)
The first time I went through this step I had a huge resentment to it. First of all ... it brought up the GOD thing again. Yup, this AA thing is a cult. They say no God, but here yah go again. It was not so much I had an issue with GOD ... but I have a problem with other people telling me I had to believe in THEIR GOD. Nope, no thank you, not interested. Thankfully I have progressed enough in AA to know that I just have to worry about MY God. MY Higher Power however I see fit to have Him in MY life. And He fits very well indeed.
The other thing I did not like about this step was the words HUMBLE and HUMILITY. I thought for sure .. again it is a cult ... that this was AA's way of breaking you down so they could take over your mind and send you to the airport to sell flowers or something. Humble and humility had no place in my life. That was for losers. I like words like strength, Independence, courage ...
What I have come to find, for me, is that humble and humility lead to those other words. AA is not saying to belittle yourself as I originally thought. Once you admit you have a fault, then you can work on it. That is strength. When you ask for help with it, that is courage. And the closer I build a connection between myself and my God ... I am actually more independent. I become free off some of the chains that have held me back. I grow.
Last night when we read the step I had thoughts pinging all over the place. But what I walked away with last night is how Humility leads to having the Grace of God in my life. I also see it around me, so when I doubt it in me ... God lets me know that it is still there for me. I just have to ask.