Tri Fecta

One down, two to go in the holiday tri-fecta of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Interestingly, for me, I think this third year is harder so far. Thankfully I am not being hounded by thoughts of drinking, but I am "missing" the good times drinking during the holidays. I am keeping myself in check, trying very hard not to let the romance even get started. It is easy to sit back and remember all the fun that I did have this time of year with my friends at the bars. What I have to keep in mind is all the chaos that went hand in hand. Rushing like crazy to buy gifts with money that I already spent at the bar is a very key point/ fact to remember as well.
But I did in fact have many good times this time of year at the bar. It was fun to chat with people about their holiday plans, shopping, kids, grandkids. See new faces taking a break from the holidays, seeing old faces back in town for the holidays.
So I miss it a bit. And just a bit more this year than the past two. Stopping and thinking about it, it may be because of all the changes in the past couple of years. Couple that with the recent death of my mother -in-law, and of my Aunt last winter and I suppose it really is not much of a reach to see why I am feeling a little blue and wistful for what use to be.
I think it is ok to miss it. As long as I know that I absolutely can't go back to it. I have to keep it up front that at the end, there really was no fun in it, and even though I have not had a drink in two years ... my disease does not care. It is just waiting to bring me right back to the pitts of hell, and down yet another level if it can.
I also have to work on keeping my thoughts positive. Many many of the changes in the past two years have been very positive, and as I continue this path of sobriety, many more changes await me. And again, most of them will be positive.
One down, two to go ... but all taken one day at a time.