Dirty Laundry

Step four ~ made a searching and fearless inventory

Does not sound that hard right? Until you actually sit down and try and do it!!

It has been interesting in the awol to see how others perceive Step 4. There is a mix of sobriety in the group, for some of us this will be our first attempt at Step 4, others have done several. Last night we talked about some of the "stuff" that has been plaguing us in our sobriety. As we went over different character defects people would share an experience of their own that related. I can't say that is the "norm" for Step 4 work or for an awol, but it is how this little group is working through it.

We all seem to have different yet similar ideas on what this Step will do for us. My own conclusion ....... Well you would have to know the t.v. commercial I am talking about to really get it ... The commercial has a huge GINORMOUS ball of dirty laundry rolling through yards, fences, playgrounds destroying everything in its path. It stops in the back yard of a family that had been peacefully relaxing, playing with the dog, enjoying life. Months of dirty laundry can be pretty scary says the commercial voice. The scenes flashes to the mother folding laundry with stacks and stacks and stacks of clean folded clothes in the background. The little boy goes over to the laundry basket and gives it a kick " not so scary now are you!"

That my friends, for ME, is Step 4. The entire laundry analogy fits. I came into this program with a great big ole freaking ball of dirty laundry. Tons and TONS of it!! It destroyed everything in its path and allowed no peace in my life. Very intimidating to look at. Over the course of the past three years I have been able to do some small loads here and there. But there is still a lot left to do!!! So now I approach Step Four the way I would doing laundry. I am going to have to start by sorting, the colors of my character defects ( fearful, anger, insecure, resentful, lazy, false pride, etc...) Then I have the heavy stuff ~ the jeans and sweatshirts that weigh more, take longer to dry ~ family, the people I really screwed over. Then the delicate, fragile things that might have to be hand washed. ~ family again, and my own heart. Step Four gives me the fancy shmancy washer and dryer on that commercial to work with. I can do some really big loads, along with those delicate. I can get it all done, just not in one day.

And see, the thing about laundry is, no matter how much you do, there is more. Step 10!!! I can do it on a daily basis after I get this monstrosity behind me. And because this is a life long program, when the time comes for me to do Step Four again, I am sure I will have another basket ready. It might just be washing the summer clothes, or the start of another scary ball!! Depends on how well I do step 10!!

So .... Off to the laundromat!!!!