One year ago .......

One year ago I was devastated by the death of my mother-in law. She was suppose to get better and come home, and instead she died. It knocked the wind right out of me. But I did not drink, even though I wanted to. For that I am grateful beyond belief.
Last year when I blogged about it, I blogged about me, and my grief, and the fact that I wanted to drink. Today I want to blog about her.
I lucked out when it came to a mother in law. I was 18 when I first met her, days away from 39 when she died. For just over 20 years she was a part of my life. She is still, and will forever be a part of my life.
Her son was my first serious boyfriend. At the time, I was the "only" serious "friend" of any of her six children. I don't think either of us were sure how we were suppose to proceed. It took me a little while to get use to her matter of fact comments. Very quickly she decided that if I wanted to be a part of her family, then that's how I would be treated. Translation .... get your own drink if you are still thirsty!!! Not to say she was not a gracious hostess, she was all that and more!! But, as silly as it may seem, by opening up her refrigerator door she opened up the entire hearth and home to me. I was not a guest, I was a part of.
I made her a grandmother two short years later. If she was not thrilled over the fact, or the choice of mates her son had picked, she never ever said. Not by word or deed. I am sure that she would have preferred that we had gotten married THEN started a family, but again, she never ever made me feel bad about the order it happened. It would surprise me if she was thrilled with me becoming a addition to her family on a permanent basis. I had already tortured her son in our relationship. Had it been MY son I would not have been thrilled.
Whatever she felt though, she made the best of the fact that I was there to stay, along with her granddaughter. She did like being a Nana!!!
She was not a spoil them rotten Nana, she was a sit back and enjoy them Nana. She baby proofed the house and picked up some toys that were forever Nana toys. Some spare diapers, baby food .... No converting a room into a nursery though. She was a very busy lady. And though she would happily watch the kids if she could, she was not a full time babysitter thank you very much. I grew up watching my own mother watch her grand kids ~ to the point that she went out and got a job so she could not watch them all the time. Ruth already had the job, and a life. I think it is wonderful that she kept them!!
One time, and one time only can I think of that I really could have killed her. I am still shaking my head over this today ..... She CUT MY DAUGHTERS HAIR!!!!!!!!!!! VERY VERY VERY BADLY!!!!!!!! And I am sure she is in heaven right now shaking her head with me and laughing ... it did grow back. That was the one and only time she ever did anything to piss me off. And we did get over it.
Sunday dinners at Nana's. I have missed those for years. A ham, a turkey, pasta ... depended on her mood. You could come or not ....it was not obligatory..... but it was your loss to miss out on the food. We went most Sundays. I can in fact just about smell the cooking in the kitchen. The boys would hang out in the living room watching whatever ... and her daughters and daughter-in-laws would sit in the kitchen drinking tea and instant coffee. We talked about everything and nothing at all. She would tell stories about her own children and we would share what the grand kids had been up too. It was a peaceful time.
Things change, time changes .... She moved in with her oldest daughter, the kids were growing up and into different things .... She retired and and was very busy with the seniors of her town ... Sunday dinners stopped. Like I said, I have been missing them for a long time.
Life got busy. But when we did see her, the comfort of Ruth was still there. I still swear she was busier in retirement than she was when she worked full time!! That women was a dynamo!!
I am sitting here now, just flashing back on all the many wonderful good times we had. What a wonderful good time lady she was. I miss her. I don't have words for all the things I am thinking of her. She raised good children. Yup, even the ones who don't like me I still respect their mother in them. Her heart was big and deep. She was smart, very smart!! I know that in the time I knew her I learned, and am a better person for having her in my life. I hope, and pray, that my own daughter will be like her Nana. Smart, independent, caring, loving, doing!!
Ruth, if you are looking down from heaven, know that I miss you and love you still and always.