Happy New Year!!!

Three years of being sober. Amazing. When I started on this road, I was not sure if I was not in fact one of those who would be incapable of being completely honest, and therefore was doomed to drink again. I kind of looked at that line as my "out" if I drank again. I think that is why I hold so tight onto the fact that this is a disease and not a moral issue. If I based my recovery on my moral standing at the time, then I would certainly have failed.

When I made my way back into the halls after a brief yet forever period of six months or so, I had pushed all the buttons on the elevator to hell and got good and stuck on that second to last floor. I say second because I have no doubt in my mind that if I were to go out again, my life would descend yet another level into the bowels of hell. It would get worse. Fact. As to if I could get out of it, I don't know. I won't say absolutely not, because God forbid I do fall down. I won't take away all hope. I fear that I would not make it back though. More don't than do, and I am so grateful that I got back the first time. I have a much further distance to fall now too. That fall could kill me right off the bat. Scary. Very scary.

So here I am today, 3 years and some days into being a sober person. And life is pretty good. Far from perfect, way very far from perfect!! lol But I am sober, healthy, and my life is chock full of wonderful people. So my wallet may have dust in it, but my bank account is filled with gold. I am grateful.

I have some uphill climbs facing me at the moment. Like far to many right now, money being a huge issue. I have some health issues (nothing major) that need to be addressed, and money plays a part in what I can do. That is just plain sucky. I have itchy feet living at home right now, and I am waiting to see what God has to say about that ... lol Again comes back to money first. Then is it the best and smartest thing to do to move out??? That's a big can of worms. HUGE muddy gross. Oh the list goes on. But that's ok. If it was all perfect then something would be very wrong!!!!!!

One day, one hour, one minute at a time it will all get worked out to be just what it is suppose to be. I know I am not going to starve or have to run around naked.......... lol I also know that I will keep going to meetings, and be amazed at the people who have made their way back from that lower level of hell. I will be impressed with how they deal with life on life's terms TODAY. I will learn. I will accept that what is most important for me to do today is God's will, not mine. Ok, I will TRY REALLY REALLY HARD to accept that!!!! Always easier to do when things are going the way I want them to.

Year four will have new adventures, like the sober football game. New friends. So many new things will happen......... when it comes right down to it, I am excited about life. Bad stuff will happen too I am sure. I won't drink. Good or bad, as long as I keep doing what I am doing, and keep trying to do a little bit more than that!!!

My new year has begun!! Happy New Year!!!