Self Esteem

Tonight one of the speakers said a number of things I could identify with.

The one that really hit me was the many many times he would go to bed/ pass out, asking God to take his life. I was there. For many reasons, my nephew committing suicide, and my daughter being two big ones, I knew I would not attempt to take my own life. But I would pray that God would just "take me". I don't know how many times I prayed that.

The guy tonight said about 6 months into sobriety he was thinking of those days, and it came to him that God DID in fact take his life. Took it and gave him a new one. Completely blew my mind. Wow. Yup. Thank You God!!!!

It was just what I needed to hear tonight. I had been gazing at the pity pot most of the day. One of the houses I had to clean today was a former classmate. Just not a good feeling. Felt like I had a big L stamped on my head. Happy for her that things are going well, she was always a good person way back when. But still felt crummy that "my life today" is living with my parents and cleaning houses.

Once we left that house and went on to the next, I was able to put most of it in perspective. Honest days pay, honest days work, and I am really grateful to HAVE a job right now, and the blessing of living at home are many.

Hearing this guy talk though, really put the brakes on the self pity. God has given me a new life. He was that good to me. He gave me a second chance. It may never be in the cards for me to have a big house w/ a cleaning service. Thats ok. I HAVE so much. And I continue to receive so many gifts in sobriety. Like that guy tonight. And all the people I have in my life today because of AA.

Thank You God!!