Step 9

This is the step I have struggled with the most. MY thinking is let sleeping dogs ...........

I understand the need for it. I want the relief that will come with doing this step. But I have struggled a lot with it. How to do it, when to do it, what do I say when I do it. I get that sick feeling in my stomach when I think of all the people I SHOULD make amends too!!! I think of the things I have done .... Fear and shame fill me.

I have had some little tiny baby step progress though. I have been talking with both AA people and my "house" family. I have been sincere in my heart about wanting to do this step, it has been the HOW. Honesty, Open mind, and Willing. That's what I had to start with. Again, baby steps, made a few.

Now, God doing His God thing again :

Step nine has not been to far from my mind. When ever I would drive by a former job place, I would think about how I should make amends. I just KNEW the guy I worked for would laugh his head off if I ever walked in and said " Hi, I am in AA now and want to tell you how sorry I am for drinking all your beer". No way would he get it.

Tonight, before going on a commitment with my new group that I joined last Friday, I was working on my amends to the rest of my family. Again, baby steps.

Get to the meeting and for what ever reason tonight I was really really nervous about talking. Heart pounding, shaking .. I had to keep my hands behind my back because the podium was shaking too!! Once I got going I was ok. Included in my story the part about drinking off the keg at work.

Here comes the God part ...

After the meeting, doing a little chit chatting .... and who jumps in front of me " HI KRIS". If you guessed my former employer you win!! Talk about a "oh shit" moment. Well, damn. No coincidences in AA. So I told him about my struggle as to making amends to him. And I apologized for all the beer I drank. And he gave me a hug and said it was ok, he was doing the same thing. And just like that, that one is off my list.

But it was a set up. I join a group Friday, work on my amends today, go with the new group ...'come on!!

Thank You God. Thank You.