Through Strangers Eyes .....

Recently a v.i.p in my life who is not an alcoholic has met a bunch of my AA buddies and went to a meeting with me. This is a little different from when Dad started coming with me for a number of reasons, one being BOTH Dad and I were "new" to AA when he started coming.



Now I have been around for a little bit and sitting in a hall is as comfortable as sitting at my kitchen table. As I sat next to my v.i.p last night I caught myself both wondering what he made of all this AA stuff and thinking about what it was like for me when I very first started to come to AA.



The very first go round in the halls I had my defences up. I really did NOT want to be an alcoholic and did not want to be at those meetings. They were a waste of my time!! How in God's name was I going to get sober listening to a bunch of people whining and exaggerating about their past. I "heard" about d.u.i's, living under bridges, broken homes, jail. suicide attempts. I heard that although they were sober today bad things continued to happen to them. Lost jobs, family, houses, health. What was the point in being sober if all the bad stuff was going to continue? Ya, not so much this AA thing for me.



I kept going to meetings even after I picked up though. Despite seeing and hearing so much negativity I also saw people laughing, smiling, content. Out of the corner of my eye I watched them, half the time not even aware that that was what I was doing.



When the day came that I hope I put the drink down for good, "enough" and penetrated for me to know that if I was going to get sober and stay sober I needed to become a "part of" AA. I still did not want to.



I went to the meetings and tried to "identify" instead of comparing with the speakers. Sometime, ok MOST of the time that was hard to do. Some of the things I just plain did not want to hear. But I kept going. Dad by my side. We would come home from the meetings and talk the meeting to death. In a good way. Trying to figure out how the message heard that night applied to my life now and in the future.

Somewhere along the line without me really noticing it, within seconds of entering a meeting that "home" feeling would settle in. What a wonderful wonderful gift. I know it is the same for Dad.

It is hard to comprehend when you first walk through the doors that the day will come when you are one of those happy smiling people. It is also very important for this drunk to never forget the pain and disbelief of when I first walked through the doors.