Impact

It has been a minute or two since I have posted last. So many things have happened in the past six months it is amazing, for me at least. I am "done" with school, have a new job and continue to be blessed with amazing people in my life. All of the things that have happened in my life are gifts of sobriety and the God of my understanding!!

As always I have numerous thoughts twirling through my head. Right now what keeps popping up is how so much of my life revolves around my addiction. Thank you God today it is in a positive way but I would not be were I am today, doing the things I am doing, loving life on a daily basis if I was not an alcoholic.

Just as my active addiction touched and impacted those around me so does my recovery. The circle of recovery is bigger than that of active addiction and I consider that a twofold blessing. One that the damage I caused out right in active addiction was of far less impact than recovery. Second that my circle of living has grown so much.

Unlike when I was active, living in the denial that I was hurting anyone, I can see how being in recovery blankets those around me. A recent family trip that would have caused any sane person to drink ~ I did not. I rolled with what was going on for the majority of the trip and did not have to add to the drama. I could also see how AA's impact in my fathers life kept him from what could have been major explosions. Two days ago I was able to just sit with my daughter eating doughnuts and cider, relaxed, enjoying a fall day. My daughter informed me she was content. Peace that was shared. Two VIP's in my life that joined the fellowship and have remained. One celebrated a year last month and the other (God willing) will do the same in early November.

A few glimpses of how recovery is working in my life. From not believing I was hurting anyone, to seeing how my own sobriety impacts those around me, yet another gift from God.

Is there a bit of irony in the fact that it was denial that what I was doing impacted those around me (so I could keep doing it) and acceptance that what I do today impacts others and inspires me to keep doing what I do? Yah, a bit. I wish I could say that if I knew the pain I was causing that I would have stopped but I don't think it would have happened. I would have isolated more to try and lessen the damage or something along those lines and no doubt drank more to deal with the feelings of guilt and shame. It is crazy how the disease works.

Not today though. I am a far cry from perfect but I am a hell of a lot better. That is not ego talking either. If all that I did was stay sober that would be a huge improvement in my world and the impact I have on it but I also continue to make improvements to self so that I can be a better person. If I am a better person then I have a better impact.

My reward is moments in the sun with my daughter just being content.