AWOL

A Way Of Life ............

I just started a AWOL last week. I am still very curious as to what all it will be about, and what we will do. My understanding, at this time, is that we will go over the steps, DO the steps, and the point of the entire thing is to incorporate the 12 steps better into our day to day living. I am down with that!!
I am actually very excited about it. I think there were 12 of us, all women, and I knew all but one, and "know" about half of them fairly good. I like all of them, a real plus!! Doing something like this with a group of women is a real first for me, and I think a very important one. I have always been a guys girl, getting along far better with the men in my little part of the world than the women. I have found in AA that I am able to have good relationships with the women as well, although I have to add that is more due to the generosity of spirit of the women I have met than my own doing. But I am learning!!
The first exercise that we did showed me a few things right off the bat. First off just how intense this group can potentially be. The first exercise was to meditate back onto a moment of powerlessness over alcohol. Then share it. Again, it is a really good group of people and the sincerity of the sharing was very humbling, and uplifting at the same time. It takes courage to share like that. For my own part, going back and focusing on a moment of powerlessness was kind of a earth shaker for me. I honestly don't think about it all that much. I don't think I am so much giving lip service to Step One, but I don't dwell on it or think about the powerlessness I had (have) over alcohol. But after doing, thinking about it the way we did .... It is pretty important to keep that in mind. Kind of like a flash card that needs to be pulled out when I think of that step. Powerlessness over alcohol ~ going to the bar when I don't want to, staying in the bar when I want to go home, sneaking out of the house to go to the bar, hiding the booze, lying about were I have been or were I am going, being with people that are not good for me because I can drink with them. The list is of course longer, but the part that rocked me the other night was the going to the bar and not being able to leave. It is a pure fact that that was me. I was glued to the seat until my alcoholism said I could go home. And not a second before ....
I am so glad that is not a part of my day to day. I love having the freedom to do the next right thing now. Might not always do it ... but at least I have the freedom to NOT do it as well ... ;) Freedom.......... Amen