I consider myself very fortunate. I have a wonderful and supportive family, some great friends outside of AA, an amazing bunch of women that I e-mail with (we started as a book club and are so much more now!) and now I have a group of sober friends as well.
When I was drinking I would tell myself I did not need or want any new friends. What I did not know was that the thought of a new friend, and the possibility of time a way from my drinking was what I was avoiding. Oh I had plenty of bar friends. I think they are still waiting for me to come back from the bathroom. But I did not open myself up to having any friends that did not drink the way I did. And there is no way I would have believed you had you told me this when I was active.
I look back at that and wonder what did I miss? I don't dwell on it, but I do wonder about it. People are, and have always been a big part of my life. I am very social. For the longest time I have shut myself away from getting to really know anyone new.
I have to watch myself with my AA people. There are many whom I care about a great deal, but have found myself holding back crossing the line into a real friendship. The past 18 months my main objective has been me. And I think that has been good .. I am still sober! However, AA is teaching me to be well, and be a productive member of society. The goal is not to live out my years in basements listening to a bunch of drunks. The goal is to LIVE! And that includes having real friends. It is a little scary after so many years of bar friends. In the back of my head were the bad stuff hangs out are whispers of what will I do if my new friend goes out. How will I deal with that? What I am coming to realize though is that there are risks in all relationships, so it is pretty stupid to hold back on AA people on the chance that they may go out and drink. If I keep that attitude up, I will be looking back someday and wondering again, What did I miss?
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